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About Deviant Member Aka No Kagura26/Female/United States Group :iconshinsengumidojo: ShinsengumiDojo
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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
I walk into the grass; all goes black and then green…

I stand alone at the crossroads to oblivion…

Between reality and unreality…

Between the living and the dead…

Wouldn’t you like to dream forever? Asked a voice.

I turned I turned and there was no one there.

(the voice was inside my head)

Reality is an illusion and life is folly…

And sanity is a burden… he spoke to me

Madness is a bitter mercy, but a mercy none the less… I quoted Sheogorath with a smirk.

You can never live the normal you were meant to have… and without the pleasures you deserve, then what’s the point of living? He asked me.

I’ve never had a life before, why should I care now? I uncaringly replied.

Why is it fair that others have a life while you be denied? He asked.

I shrugged.

Come and join me! You could have every friend who ever left you… he offered.

But they’re not dead. I said factually…

You don’t know that… and besides, we can create your own personal heaven where we can make copies of them who are kinder and more caring then the originals! He suggested gleefully.

They never cared about me in life... I said dryly, why care now?

And every pet you’ve ever had… they say there’s no animals in heaven.. oh but they’re wrong! You can see all of them again! He added.

I kicked dirt and looked at my toes uninterestedly.

Come with me my dear… they’re waiting for you. He beckoned…
Let them wait.. they can wait 60 years or a thousand years for all I care! I replied coldly.

You would live for a thousand years in misery? He asked in disbelief.

I’ve become somewhat addicted to it. I replied. Heck, I could live forever if my one true love is by my side.

What’s so great about him? He asked, scoffing at love.

You know he’ll never amount to anything… he said coyly…You’ll probably die poor without a penny to your name… you might as well give up now. He whispered.

You can’t know that… we could strike it rich! I said smugly.

What if you don’t? He asked inquisitively.

Then I’ll dream that I’m successful, pretend I’m eating cake as I’m eating my own shoes in the street... and pretend that a bus stop is my mansion. I said with an intoxicated looking grin.

Why don’t you dream forever? He whispered coldly.

Would you rather dream and never wake, or wake and never dream? He inquired.

To sleep, perchance to dream. I said, quoting Shakespeare.

Then come join me to sleep and dream forever, he beckoned me.

Why, when I can dream when I’m awake? I asked.

You dream, even in your waking hours? He asked in disbelief.

Yes, actually I’m dreaming now.  I chortled. None of this is real!

Don’t laugh! I offer you an escape from all reality, a portal to infinite wonders unknown! Come and join me… come and join me… he pleaded trying to retain his composure.

Life, reality, perfection, normality, joy! Everything is a figment of my imagination. Even death and misery is an illusion! I laughed clutching my ribs. I could live forever and feel however I want to feel! I said rolling on the ground laughing.

Death sighed and walked away.
Not quite suicidal...
Inspired by the Lavender Town Pokemon Myth kotaku.com/pokemons-creepy-lav…, with some minor influences from the Elderscrolls games mainly Sheogorath and Vaermina elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Va…, a Black Butler quote by Lao and my own crazy mind that's falling apart. I wrote it after reading the myth and listening to the music clip from Lavender Town in the old Pokemon games. This is generally how I see suicidal death as being in relation to me. I've grown too cynical an apathetic in my losses and yet too optimistic in my delusions to let go of life. This is how I'd respond to voices in my head trying to persuade me to end it all. I'm too mad to off myself.
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Me and my fiance by Okitakehyate
Me and my fiance
A picture of my fiance and I at Wendy's on his birthday. My shirt has Sebastian from Black Butler, his has hallow Ichigo from Bleach.
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The best way to be happy with someone, is to learn to be happy alone...

That way the company will be a matter of choice, not necessity.

Or so I have been told...

Such lies can only grace the lips of those who've never truly been "alone".

For all I've ever known of happiness in being alone has proved vain,

empty...

meaningless and fake...

an endless stream of days in which I could not tell one from another...

existing without ever truly feeling alive.

Life in a dream world at best..

waiting to awake...

Food is without taste...

song without meaning...

art and life in faded colors...

tasks without reason nor purpose...

when I am alone... all joy is folly when no one exists to share it with.

I've come to the conclusion that if this saying has any truth it is for the opposite reason.

Food tastes better when you are starving...

and drink better when one thirsts...

pleasure is that much sweeter when you have known pain, anguish and suffering...

true enjoyment comes from want and need and overwhelming desire...

like one craves to breathe at the moment of drowning.

I enjoy another, not because I have learned how to enjoy being alone...

but because I have known how much pain loneliness can bring.
Of happiness in being alone
I grew up in a retirement community in Florida, all around me were old people dying and young people coming to visit who never really stayed. I once had a group of friends who'd meet every Saturday for pizza-parties, but they parted ways when they grew up and moved on. I lived as a single woman with no friends who didn't get out much for a good long while. I didn't have money or a job so I spent my days and nights watching anime, playing videogames, drawing, writing, taking personality quizzes, meditating, and "trying to find myself" while pretending that I was happy and everything was okay. I dated only 3 guys in that time I was alone... one at a time, at least a year apart each. I dumped the 1st guy when he said he didn't believe in marriage, the 2nd guy silently dumped me after one date and left me hanging for a year, and then returned and introduced me to the 3rd who I found to be the love of my life and my one true soul-mate. Since meeting him, I have known joy in being one with him beyond what most could experience by taking ecstasy... even though I have never found any true happiness in being alone.
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Hey everyone. Sorry I've been kind of dead :dead: on here for a while. I started studying Graphic Arts at Independence University Online. Haven't gotten to the actual art yet, started out with "Psychology of Motivation" & now working on "Writing" :work: and "American History" :reading: Woo hoo what fun.. Actually it is kinda fun sometimes, when I'm not struggling to figure out what to write :frustrated: or feeling kind of bored with all the reading :yawn:. I'm getting good grades, but the thought of starting math scares me :fear: cuz I suck at math... but hopefully the tutors they have online will be a big help ^^; Maybe I'll post something on here sometime when I get the chance, can't promise though. 

PS

I got my wisdom teeth out recently, I've been watching the anime "Blue Exorcist" a lot lately, and my birthday is coming up next Friday on July 11th!
  • Mood: Pride
  • Listening to: the ceiling fan
  • Reading: American History
  • Watching: Blue Exorcist
  • Playing: Lunar Dragon Song
  • Eating: a banana
  • Drinking: water

deviantID

Okitakehyate
Aka No Kagura
United States
Current Residence: Who wants to know?
Favourite genre of music: Alternative, Rock, Tecno, J-pop, & anime soundtracks.
Favourite style of art: I like pencil drawing, computer-paint, & photos
Wallpaper of choice: anime
Skin of choice: Pale
Favourite cartoon character: Okita Souji, Ukitake Jyuushiro, Hyatt, Hayate Gekkou, & Ukyo Tachibana
Personal Quote: "Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."
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:iconsmogcake:
Smogcake Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy b day!
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:iconyukim4ru:
yukim4ru Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Happy birthday <3
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:iconzane1193:
zane1193 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014
Hey! Just stopped by to see how you're doing,hope you and your family are well.
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:iconokitakehyate:
Okitakehyate Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014
We're well, I recently signed up for online collage classes in graphic arts by the way.
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:iconzane1193:
zane1193 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014
I'm glad to hear that!

I'm in the process of writing my personal history journals and you are one of the few Liberals I'd trust with my secret,maybe,if I ever get the courage we'll meet.

Hope you and your family are doing well,have a great weekend.
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:iconokitakehyate:
Okitakehyate Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014
I'm flattered to know that
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(1 Reply)
:iconda-risembool-rangers:
DA-Risembool-Rangers Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Hello!! Welcome to the Rangers! :iconthe-da-ranger-group: High-five! Hug We're happy ta have ya in the club!! ^___^ Yui Hirasawa (Castanets Dance) [V1]
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:iconyukim4ru:
yukim4ru Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Student General Artist
How are you doing? :D
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:iconokitakehyate:
Okitakehyate Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Not too good, lately I've been feeling like :iconukitakeplz: & :iconsoujiplz: not TB though, just bronchitis... still a pretty bad :cough: though I caught it from my fiance.. he's feeling better now, but I'm still :sick:
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:iconyukim4ru:
yukim4ru Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Awww I hope you feel better soon!
P.S. I miss you!
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